


Hidden Moments

by tmwillson3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Chandrila, Especially Persuasion, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Jakku, Misunderstandings, References to Jane Austen, When Harry met Sally references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 03:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17134097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmwillson3/pseuds/tmwillson3
Summary: Prompt 1: Post TLJ Rey and Kylo / Ben find a way to meet in person and sort out their feelings and differences without the danger of being cut off mid-sentence (or mid kiss), like it has frequently happened during their Force bond sessions.Prompt 2: Post TLJ – a chance meeting at an unexpected place.This story combines these two prompts.





	Hidden Moments

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apisa_b](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apisa_b/gifts).



> I don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. If you are looking hard, you should see stuff from Persuasion, Pride and Prejudice, When Harry Met Sally, and A Christmas Story (the last one is super vague but there). HUGE thank you to my beta, TazWren!! You are amazing! Thank you for helping out at the last possible second and giving so many great ideas. 
> 
> Merry Christmas to all, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays for everything else in between!

“Rey.”

****

His voice - it haunted her dreams and waking hours, just like the memory of their past. Really, their time together wasn't all that much or long in the grand scheme of things. And yet, it taunted her, reminding her of everything she had ever dreamed of, ever wanted. It was not the time or opportunity that determined intimacy; it was disposition alone, in those few hours when their souls connected. She hadn't thought someone could understand her as well as he did; however, for the brief time that they were together, they had developed a connection unlike anything she had ever had before. 

****

The problem was that they couldn't maintain it, couldn't have it be real. That was in Year 34 ABY. He had made his choice, and so she had made hers. Her Force vision of them would always remain that, just a vision.

****

Even if he did try to contact her through the Force. He was getting better at it, and she had been forced, by necessity, to learn to manipulate their bond in order to shut him out. It was too painful, and it still felt like a betrayal. Even now, in Year 36 ABY. 

****

              ____________________

****

It felt like a betrayal to him, too. To see no compassion, where there once had been something bigger. Whatever she had seen wasn't enough. He didn't understand what it was she had seen. He had forgiven her for that betrayal sometime shortly after Crait. 

****

He had done the best he could under the circumstances. He took his mantle of power seriously, and he did all within his power to be a fair ruler. He still ruled by fear to some degree when Hux and others got ideas in their heads, and yet all had been going well. 

****

Until the coup. Hux had to be killed. Nothing else seemed like a viable option. 

****

Nonetheless, he needed to re-evaluate everything after that. Was this all he had to look forward to for the rest of his life? Endless meetings and no friends, along with long, empty nights spent remembering several intense moments between him and she who was his only symbol of hope, all he had ever wanted. She was the sworn enemy of the First Order, but not his. And that was when he knew that he needed to rethink his priorities. If the First Order was going to try to kill Rey, then he could not be leading it. Hux’s trying to take over was just the first. Others would follow who would attempt the same. He needed to dismantle everything he had worked so hard to build in the past two years. Could he do it, though? 

****

He needed strength. A reason to do it. Random glimpses of Rey through the Force, connecting when neither of them were really trying, just weren't enough. And she refused to see him when he did try. She was just as strong as he was, after all. The destruction of the legacy lightsaber had proven that. However, what other reason did he have, besides her?

****

During the twenty-four hours following the coup, he remembered something from Rey's memories back on Starkiller Base. The home where she had grown up, an AT-AT. Her presence would be there. He could draw strength from that. If he wanted to save her, then he would need all the help he could get.

****

Within the hour, he was moving. The Knights of Ren were left in charge until he returned. He would still create a new order, but without Rey’s influence or involvement. He would make the current one better, removing whatever and whoever he had to in order to make that happen.

****

The flight to Jakku was uneventful. When he landed near Tuanal, it was weird seeing his past. He had come so far since the killing of Lor San Tekka. The old man would have been proud. He was finally setting things right. 

****

Using only the Force to guide him, he wound his way through the desert until he found the Hellhound Two - Rey's AT-AT. From the outside, it looked exactly the same as from her memory. Just touching the hot durasteel of the doorway gave him more purpose. Some part of him wished that he could find Rey inside. It was a silly, hopeless wish, but one that refused to die so long as he was still connected to Rey. Even just drawing near the abandoned hulk made him sense her presence in a way he hadn't in a long time, as though she were really there on the same planet. 

****

He walked in and breathed. There was no hint of sweat and ozone that had been there the last time he had seen her in person. All scent of her was now gone, lost to the sands and winds of Jakku. The dilapidated exterior showed an interior that wasn't much changed, either, apart from an accumulation of sand. It covered everything on the floor and hid in the nooks and crannies, covering most things with a light dusting. 

****

And yet,  _ there _ was the nightbloomer he had seen in her memories. Somehow, just like his love for Rey, it had grown and become more beautiful with time alone. It had survived. He could appreciate her strength of will, her independence. She was always there for others, as their erratic connection had shown him multiple times, despite no one being there for her. This hardy flower was about as close to her as he was going to get, he realized. He stole it from its perch, pressing it close to him.

****

Yes. He could do this. He would make his plans happen.

****

“When I'm done, she'll see. We may seem strangers now, but not forever.”

****

There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved, or so he had felt after they had touched hands from across galaxies. Now, they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become   
acquainted while she refused to connect. It was perpetual estrangement.

****

“I'm not going to abandon you, Rey, no matter how hard you try to forget me.”

****

Even as he spoke, another's heart leapt in joy. He had no idea how close it was, and had he stopped dwelling in the past, he might have felt his present and future behind him.

****

          ________________________

****

As it turned out, Rey  _ had _ heard him. When the coup had occurred, Rey had felt Ben's pain through the Force, even briefly seeing him as he fought and dispatched fifteen assassins before killing Hux. His anger and sense of betrayal had almost made her get out of bed and go to him all over again.

****

Why? That was the question that she continued to ask herself. She had been doing fine after Crait. So she thought. She had become the beacon of hope for the Resistance and trained, becoming a better Jedi. 

****

She fixed and scavenged things with Rose and Finn. She flew with Chewie and Poe. She talked whenever she could with Leia. But still, there was that nagging hole. She couldn't fill it, no matter how many time she meditated, trained, or talked to Luke as a Force Ghost. The emptiness struck her at odd times. She finally asked Leia about it one day, after she had closed the connection on Ben once more, when he had seemed down. She had almost given in, then.

****

“Leia, what do you do when you feel empty inside? I'm not… as happy as I thought I'd be here. Not that I'm  _ un _ happy here or anything, but-”

****

“It's fine, Rey. I understand. Usually, when something is empty, you try to fill it up. You've had time here now to develop friendships and do something meaningful, haven't you?” she asked from where she sat, in her chair.

****

“Yes. I love the family I've found here. I'm glad to be working toward galactic peace. Then why don't I feel happy?”

****

“Oh, my child, I understand all too well, unfortunately,” said Leia, a maternal hand going to Rey's cheek. “I've only felt like that in certain moments. Moments when I missed Han and Ben, but mostly Han.”

****

“Han? Why Han?” asked Rey curiously, but fully understanding. 

****

“Because he was the love of my life, Rey. We always argued fiercely, but we loved just as fiercely,” said Leia. “It was our own unique love.”

****

Leia sighed as she remembered her beloved smuggler, and Rey started to understand. 

****

“So this emptiness I'm feeling, this is love?”

****

“Yes, it's love,” said Leia, getting up and walking to a window. “But not just any type of love. You love and care about your friends, but this is much deeper than that. This is an all-consuming love, one that makes you want to get up in the morning, even when it's gray and cloudy outside, like now. This love gives you hope for the future and gives you purpose.”

****

“Love can do that?” asked Rey, slowly walking toward her surrogate mother, trying to understand how such a thing was possible. 

****

“Oh yes. Sometimes it feels like hate, but there's a thin line between love and hate,” said Leia ruefully. “That's how you end up saying things you regret, like wanting to kiss a Wookiee.”

****

They both laughed, even as Rey wondered what to make of how she felt about Ben.

****

“So love can give you purpose, but don't you lose yourself in the process?” asked Rey. “What if it all gets mixed up?”

****

“It doesn't have to and won't. You have an identity that's wholly unique; you just have to know yourself. Know who you are first  _ before _ you enter into a relationship. Do you know who  _ you _ are, Rey?” asked Leia solemnly, giving Rey a thoughtful look.

****

“No. Yes. I don't know,” said Rey. “For a long time, all I did was just to survive. Then, I came here, and there were so many expectations. I never stopped to think about who I really was. Who I am. I'm just Rey. A no one,” she added bitterly.

****

“Oh, Rey, I'm sorry. I didn't know,” said Leia with a comforting hand. 

****

“It's alright. You couldn't have known. I've never taken the time to reflect on all of it. I'd rather not dwell on the past, or who I am and instead  _ do _ something,” admitted Rey ruefully. 

****

“Well, there’s a time for action, and a time for reflection. Make sure you balance both going forward,” said Leia.

****

“I'll try,” said Rey with uncertainty. 

****

“Good. Also, whoever it is, don't be afraid of love, but don't rush it, either,” suggested Leia kindly. “Love gives us hope. We all need that right now.”

****

             _____________________

****

Leia's words stuck with Rey for long after, both in the many times she chose not to reflect and in short moments when she did. That reflection time helped her see a pattern. 

****

It was whenever she saw Finn and Rose together, behaving like a happy couple in love. It was when she saw Leia in certain moments, where she reminded Rey of Ben. It was after every time she saw Ben - however briefly - through the Force.

****

The love between Rose and Finn was easily seen, and she knew she wanted that. But with who? She didn't get the connection between them all until she once saw Leia thinking deeply. Lost in thought like that, Leia reminded Rey of her son very much, and the ensuing desire to see Ben surprised her. That was when she knew: she was falling in love with Ben. 

****

Part of her was happy about her realization, and yet, another part of her was horrified. How could she love a man who had betrayed her, who was an enemy? But as time passed she realized how very little evil there was to Ben’s actions while in charge of the First Order. It made her hope that the Force wasn't done with him yet, and that he could still turn to the Light. Perhaps he hadn't figured out who he really was, either, and was only doing so now. That gave her hope more than anything else, planting a small seed of love in her subconscious.

****

A seed that continued to grow and sprout, until the moment of Hux's coup. In that moment, the violent  _ need  _ she had to kill Hux, to go to Ben took her by surprise; she knew she needed to get it in check. Her love for Ben was much more than she had realized; however, she still didn't know her own self all that well.

****

So Rey decided to go to the one place where everything had once made sense: home to Jakku. The familiarity was there, and all her meditating with the Force seemed to tell her that she needed to go there, so she did. She told Leia where and where she was going and why, and that she'd be gone for a few days. 

****

When she landed near Niima Outpost, she recognized two things immediately: that she no longer felt as much of a connection to her home planet as before, and that Ben's presence in the Force seemed strong there. She couldn't explain the latter, so she focused on the former.

****

Nothing on Jakku had changed. Everyone still scraped to get by, and there was a quiet desperation among the inhabitants as they tried to survive. Unkar Plutt was still in charge. Water was still hard to come by, and the sun was just as hot as before. The Jakku heat was the only welcome thing to come back to.

****

No, nothing had changed.  Except her. She didn't feel as though she belonged there anymore, in her dark gray Jedi robes and with a new outlook on her life. She didn't have a family here; there was only herself, just as the cave had shown her.

****

She wasn't a scavenger, a mechanic, or even a Jedi. Sure, she could do all those things, but even as she walked along the stalls, she saw that she was far more than any one of those things. She wasn't defined by what she did or had done. She was gifted; she was able to touch the Force in a way that few could. She had friends, a group of people she cared about and who cared about her. She was loved by them.

****

As she stood at the edge of Niima Outpost, the winds whipping her cloak about her, she knew that she had grown beyond the little girl who she used to be. She had grown up. She was a woman, determined to help the galaxy. She was in love with a man who was greatly conflicted, and she realized that it didn't matter. She was many things, but in the end, she was only Rey. That was enough.

****

She started the journey back to her old AT-AT. It was time to say goodbye to everything that used to define her. After that, she would figure out how to deal with Ben. She had waited this long for him; she would continue to wait. She had finally found belonging, and she was not about to let that last sense of love and belonging be lost to herself or to Ben Solo. 

****

As she drew closer to her old home, the presence of Ben grew stronger and stronger. She didn't understand why until she heard a low voice inside. At first, she almost just left, thinking someone had taken over her home, but then she recognized the voice. That wasn't just anyone. 

****

“I'm not going to abandon you, Rey, no matter how hard you try to forget me.”

****

Her heart squeezed, and if it could've, she was sure that her heart would've imploded. That was Ben, alright. It was just like before; it was one of the main reasons she had fallen for him. Her desire to see him, to speak to him again in person after so long. She was afraid. What if he didn't love her? What if he did something in response to her denying him for so long?

****

It didn't matter how many doubts there were; his words pushed her toward him faster than anything else he could've said in that moment.

****

“Ben.”

****

He froze. He heard soft footsteps on the durasteel floor behind him, and then a hand was laid on his shoulder. It was unreal. It couldn't be.

****

“Rey?”

****

“Yes.”

****

                          ____________________________________________

****

Shock went through him. His mind and his body were at odds with one another. His mind wanted to yell and rage at her, but his body was a traitor. It wanted only to be in her presence, to see more of her. As soon as he saw her, hair down, in darker robes, and with compassionate, contrite eyes, even his mind joined the other side. There was only Rey, the brightest source of light and hope in his life, the one who made a real future possible. 

****

He turned fully to her. “How? Why?”

****

He had to restrain himself. He didn't move any other part of him, and Rey didn't seem bothered by it at all. Mostly because she wasn't. She was just happy that he looked at her with guarded yet hopeful eyes, searching hers for something. 

****

“I felt… and I saw you being injured when they tried to kill you. I can't remember the last time I was so upset,” she said, reaching out to tenderly touch his right cheek, a single finger sliding along the scar she gave him. “I knew I cared about you, but I didn't know just how much until then. I  _ had _ to leave the Resistance, to sort myself out.”

****

Her eyes left his face after she finished speaking, embarrassed. Her hand slowly slid down his cheek until one of his hands captured and held it there.

****

“So you came here?” he asked, a thread of curiosity in his voice.

****

“Yes. I felt the Force pulling me here. I wasn't sure why, but now, I think I do,” she said.

****

“What would help confirm it in your mind?” he asked, his voice going deeper as he pulled her hand down to engulf it in his own, down by his side.

****

Rey stepped closer and breathed deeply. “Answer me this: who are you?”

****

He stared at her for an eternity, not sure why she was asking. For so long, people had assumed who he was. Even she had previously. Now, however, he sensed only an emptiness, a desire to understand him by asking him who he thought he was. It was time to admit out loud what he had felt, initially only in the fleeting moments when Rey had first spoken to him through the Force, and later on his own as he navigated the right path for himself.

****

“I'm Ben Solo.” 

****

Rey let out the breath she was holding, and he pushed on, hope slowly building within him.

****

“I'm a lot of things, but I'm ready to give it all up. I'm nothing; I've let the past die at last. I want to make this right.”

****

Rey dragged him into an embrace, the likes of which he had never received before.  Neither had she, he suspected. It was somehow of enormous importance, in that moment, that she hold him so he knew that she understood. Words were sometimes useless, and right then, he just needed her. And for her to know how he felt.  A feeling he was getting more certain she reciprocated.

****

He breathed deeply, his arms slowly tightening around her. This. This was what he needed, a total acceptance of himself, just as he was. It was freeing and powerful, far better than any flower that reminded him of her. He could die for this, for her. He would happily die for this love and acceptance. 

****

“I love you, Ben,” she choked out, tears starting to form at her eyes the longer he held her and refused to let go. “I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I stayed away; I didn't understand myself. I  _ thought _ I understood you, but not as much as I needed to, as I learned.”

****

“I love you, Rey. Everything in this galaxy is worthless without you beside me.”

****

Her head jerked back and off his shoulder as she stared at him in wonder, looking at the awe mirrored in his own eyes. 

****

“Ben, I-”

****

“But I can't go with you, yet,” he said, shushing her with a finger to her lips. “There's something I must do first. I have to go now, to prove myself-”

****

“Not to me. I love you for who you are, as you are,” insisted Rey, making Ben glare at her interruption before a tentative smile started to form on his face. “Let me help you-”

****

“No. I have to do this myself, for the rest of the galaxy. You're doing your part, and I need to do mine, to correct my mistakes. Wait for me a little longer,” he begged. “We can re-open our bond; we'll never be far away from each other.”

****

“If that's the way it must be, then alright,” she said, taking his face in her hands. “I won't stand in your way.”

****

“Thank you, Rey,” he said, a genuine smile filling his face before his eyes closed in relief at her acceptance of him.

****

She kissed him, wanting to give him something to remember her by. It was just a quick peck, but the moment she pulled away, his eyes opened, shock written there.

****

“What was that?” he asked, genuinely confused.

****

“That was, well, I wanted to show I love you. I thought you'd like that,” she said awkwardly, now embarrassed, even as his showed understanding. “I've never done that before-”

****

“Then we should practice every day,” he said before yanking her to himself and kissing her.

****

                        _________________________________________

****

Rey had had no idea what kissing was like; she just watched Finn and Rose do it along with countless couples. They all enjoyed it. Now, as Ben eagerly tried to kiss and taste every part of her, while simultaneously threatening to cut off her air supply due to his death grip, she thought she understood. There were different levels of acceptance: word, deed, and love. Love - in the form of physical affection - was by far the most powerful and overwhelming sensation of being so wanted. This was how, and why, love was so powerful; it destroyed her loneliness and gave her the need to do more, to want more for Ben. Now, she wanted it to consume her.

****

When they pulled away for air, both were panting, trying to understand all that had just happened without words. Ben wanted to never leave that place, but even as he noticed the lowering light outside, he knew he had to go.

****

“Rey, I-”

****

“Sshh. Will you sit with me for a moment, before you go?” she asked, certain that he needed to leave soon as she pulled him over to a sitting area.

****

“Yes.”

****

They sat, all too aware of one another and happy despite the imminent departure. Just sitting there, absorbing the other's presence, was enough for Ben. Rey wove her fingers with his and leaned against his shoulder, glad to have him for a little longer. 

****

When she felt a restlessness within him start to grow, she turned and kissed his cheek one last time.

****

“Thank you, Ben. Let's go.”

****

Soon, they were on their way. They shared a last look before they went their separate ways, knowing with certainty they would see one another again soon. It was all a matter of time.

****

Within a few hours, Ben was reaching out to her again, relieved when he found her on a ship and heading back to the Resistance base. 

****

At first, things were going well for the new couple. They reached out to one another at the end of their respective days, glad to have a moment of peace and to talk to or at least see one another. Ben still didn't tell Rey anything about what he was doing, nor did he ask where she was. He didn't want to know, lest someone find a way to get it out of him, such as another Force user like a disloyal Knight of Ren. Not that any of them had been, so far, but he did not want to take any chances. 

****

Within a few weeks, though, everything changed. Rey's schedule became almost the opposite of Ben's. There were more raids at the new base where the Resistance was hiding, so Rey was on the lookout. 

****

For a time, they tried connecting when Rey was first waking up. The first time was not a promising start. 

****

“Rey, are you sleeping on the  _ Falcon?” _

****

“Is that really the first question you're asking me at this hour?” asked Rey with a groggy yawn before she fully woke up, soon after that. “Can't you see my surroundings like I can see yours?” 

****

Soon after that, she was up and moving, her habit of rising early making her become alert quickly. Ben, on the other hand, was ready to drop into a deep sleep.

****

“Yes, I can, but we've never talked while you're in there before. I guess I should've known since you've flown it previously….”

****

He trailed off, so many old memories coming back to him.

****

“Would you like to see the repairs I've made?” asked an interested Rey, getting up to show him.

****

“Maybe another time. I need to sleep now. I got the information at least,” he said. “I'm much closer to accomplishing my goal.”

****

“Good. I have a busy day planned.”

****

“We're not close to finding you, are we?” he asked, sitting up with some concern.

****

“No. This is all just a big precaution - do you always sleep like that?” she asked, losing all train of thought as she noticed his bare chest and the low-waisted, black pajama bottoms.

****

Had Ben been more awake, he might have noticed that Rey's hungry gaze no longer balked at the sight of him like that. He did over time as he watched where her eyes went, which pleased him more than it should have.

****

But that first time at least, he was too tired to do more than say, “Yes. This is normal for me. I've always contacted you after training in the past.”

****

“I see,” she said, seeing much indeed. 

****

“But that doesn't matter right now. We should talk more tomorrow. Perhaps sooner so I won't be as tired?”

****

Rey understood and nodded before putting out a hand to touch his briefly, the contact soothing to her and the final push to put him at ease after so much stress. “Yes. Sleep well, Ben. It was good to see and hear you.”

****

For several weeks, they tried to make that schedule work. However, the earlier they did it, the more groggy Rey got. She was able to do it for a week before she had an almost-miss on duty, messing up a repair. Thankfully, Rose caught it before anyone used the weapon.

****

Nonetheless, when Ben saw her anxious the next morning, he forced her to tell her, and they stopped earlier times. That led to later times for her, and he was even more tired. The worst came when he was listening to her talk about something, and he fell asleep in the middle of her soothing explanation. He felt awful, while Rey was a little miffed at first before that melted away. It said something that he trusted her enough to fall asleep with her there.

****

Nonetheless, that didn't work, so the opposite was tried: meeting as Rey went to bed and Ben was waking up. For a time, it worked. He had no issue getting up and going to bed earlier to accommodate their time together, and that was when the maybe next time of seeing his father's old piece of junk actually happened. He could finally look at the ship with less pain and loss, especially as he saw all the changes she made. It was more hers, even as it maintained all the essential things that made it the  _ Falcon. _

****

But all good things must come to an end, such as Rey's odd shift schedule. For a week, they spoke little as she adjusted to the new sleep schedule, and then he was changing the heads of staff and needed complete concentration and more sleep to make sure he did everything according to plan. He tried at odd moments to reach out to her, but it wasn't good for her, which he saw quickly as people were always around her, including his mother many times. He finally told her to just contact him when she was ready, and she did try once or twice, again finding issues with his ability to talk due to company. 

****

It all came to a head when he hadn't had a real conversation with her in three weeks. He was beginning to dream of her and worry about her when he needed to focus on work. Reports were coming in of spotting Resistance ships, and that wasn't helping matters either.

****

“Rey.”

****

She recognized that tone at once; Ben only used it when he was getting frustrated, usually with someone underneath him. Ben was liable to start destroying things with his saber unless she talked him down. 

****

She was helping Finn and Poe with some old tech they had found on a scouting mission, but she excused herself as fast as she could. 

****

“I'm going. To take a break,” she said abruptly, getting up and escaping as Finn and Poe looked at her curiously for a moment until they saw her make the sign for needing to use the fresher.

****

Rey rushed into the women’s freshers, the only room in the base where a woman with a secret boyfriend could sit in privacy. 

****

“Ben. What is it?”

****

“Are you…. In a fresher?” he asked, puzzled by the odd light and surroundings. 

****

“Your needs seemed more urgent than mine, so I found privacy. What is it?” she asked, getting down to business. 

****

She didn't expect the embrace. It was startling when his hand touched her shoulder, and then he was crushing her in his grasp, pressing her against the wall as his hands slid up and down her back, his mouth kissing every expanse of her face and neck she would let him have.

****

Which, to Rey's hungry hands and body, was just about everything. After going without much conversation and even less physical contact, the startled shock quickly became the endless craving that she had been dealing with for weeks.

****

“I've missed you,” he said as they pulled apart.

****

“Me, too. I was starting to worry about you,” she said accusingly.

****

_ “ _ You  _ started  _ to worry? I've  _ been  _ worrying. Worse, I dream about you and get distracted at work because of it. I'm far beyond that,” he said, disgruntled as he continued to slide eager hands through her hair and across her cheeks. 

****

Rey felt him opening his mind up to her, silently inviting her in to see everything that he didn't want to or couldn't explain. She dove into his, allowing him to drink as deeply from hers. He saw her growing hopes for success, as well as her equally growing worry about him. She saw his many frustrations and fears as his generals talked, his fears of losing her. She saw his vivid dreams involving her, the ones that kept him up and aching at night. Some dreams were just them sitting beside one another, enjoying the other's presence as they had in Rey's old home. Others had them fighting one another, or doing other physical activities together that called to a similar part of her. He was imagining her everywhere; this had gone on long enough.

****

When they pulled away, they felt worse for the waiting and not being able to do more. 

****

“I'm sorry, Ben. We need to stop this.”

****

“Yes. Yes, we do,” he said, resting a tired head on her chest and clutching her shoulders. “I can't go through this again; I won't survive. I'm sorry, too. I'm so stubborn.”

****

“Well, I know where you get  _ that  _ from,” quipped Rey, making him chuckle slightly. “What if we-”

****

“Rey!” shouted Finn as he knocked on the door. “You alright in there? You get stuck?”

****

“No, I'm fine. I'll be back soon,” she called out as Ben growled at the interruption. “Just go ahead back, and I'll follow soon after.”

****

“Okay…..”

****

After his echoing footsteps stopped being heard, Ben grumbled, “He’d better be gone now. You were saying?”

****

“Can we try to meet as we used to before, near the end of the day for both of us? I think it'll work now.”

****

“Yes. I'll see you soon,” he said, pulling away slowly. “This seeming madness has been lifted at last. I didn't think I could ache for someone as I do for you-”

****

“Rey? Are you talking to a guy in there?” asked Rose, knocking and ruining the moment. Rey sighed at losing the breathtaking words he was saying, and Ben pulled away, lifting both his hands in defeat. He mouthed the word no to her before he shut the connection so she could go.

****

“No, I’m not. It's a holo. Why?” asked Rey, opening the door.

****

“Oh. Finn was starting to worry about you. Shall we?”

****

Later, the couple met again, this time in a more secluded place.

****

“Have you done anything else to the piece of junk since the last time I saw it?” he asked by way of greeting, examining her surroundings with interest. 

****

He had come a long way in her eyes for him to speak of the ship with such fondness and with no trace of sarcasm or pain. But time and love were powerful healers. 

****

“Nothing really. Being on duty so much didn't lend itself to making the improvements I’ve wanted to.”

****

“I could help. Assuming you want it,” he added quickly before also adding, “and you don't mind me being attached at the hip for the duration of the work.”

****

“I can think of no better way to stay close to you,” she replied, a genuine smile on her face. “Is tonight a good night for you?”

****

A frown. “No. Two nights from now?”

****

Her fallen face lost its sadness. “Yes.  What about tonight? Do you want to just talk?”

****

She didn't care one way or the other. There were questions she wanted to ask, but they could wait. She missed him enough that just his being there did something for her weary soul.

****

“No. Let’s talk later. Tonight I just want to....”

****

He looked longingly beside her as she sat on her bed. She remembered something she had seen in his dreams, and so she slid down the wall until she was seated on the floor.

****

“Sit with me?” It was both a suggestion as well as a question.

****

He did just that, grabbing her hand and leaning, next to her, against the wall, looking in wonder as he felt the cold wall and floor that were so familiar to him.

****

“It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk,” he said before leaning down against the thin mattress. He groaned, “One of the first things you should do, when you get around to improvements, is getting a better mattress. It was bad enough the last time I used it; now it's only gotten thinner. Have you left an imprint in it, yet?”

****

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, it's thinner, but no, my imprint isn't in it. Yet,” she said in an undertone.

****

“It's going to be,” he said, lifting his head to rest on her shoulder. 

****

“Fine. I'll deal with it then,” she said, resting her other hand on his thigh.

****

He sucked in a breath. “Not there, please. That… will ruin this moment. Here,” he said, pressing her left hand against his heart.

****

She felt his heart beating, felt how it pounded wildly as she settled against him. Then it slowed, just as his breathing slowed to be in sync with hers. It was blessedly steady, at least until he drifted off. When he did, he opened his mind to her once more.

****

She took the invitation and closed her eyes, moving her head into the crook of his neck. Then, both of them deciding that she fit there perfectly, they let their minds mingle and feed off of the shared sensations and feelings of oneness. They stayed that way until they fell asleep. 

****

Both of them awoke to horrible back and neck pain, so they had to get off the floor to get some real sleep.  Despite that, they were some of the most peaceful moments they had ever shared.

****

The next night, they talked of everything but work or their missions. Rey wanted to, but she sensed that Ben was still reluctant to do so. The next night, Rey surprised Ben by showing him the mattress she had stolen from the base and retrofitted to make it work for her. It was thicker than what she had, and in surprisingly good shape, and that was the first of many improvements they made that night. 

****

At the end of the night, Rey tried to reopen the topic she was so curious about.

****

“Ben, why won't you tell me what your big plan is?”

****

He stopped and motioned for her to put aside the re-wiring they were doing. She did before they sat down in their respective places, facing one another.

****

“It's complicated,” he said. “It's not that I don't trust you, because I trust you more than anyone else. But I don't trust everyone else with you.”

****

When her face started to redden, he hurried to backpedal, realizing he had screwed up.

****

“I didn't mean it like that. Really, I just want to be able to do this. Myself. What I'm doing complements your goals-”

****

“But you don't even know what my goals are since you don't ask me about them!” shouted Rey in frustration. “Are you afraid of distractions? Of your plans changing changing because of me? I don't have to say anything; I can just listen-”

****

“No, you can't,” said Ben firmly, getting up with a raised voice. “You don't ever  _ just listen;  _ you  _ act.” _

****

Rey narrowed her eyes until he continued in a softer voice.

****

“It's one of the things I love about you, your compassion and need to move  _ at once _ to help. You can't help yourself.”

****

He smiled fondly at her, happy that she was like that. Rey didn't know what to say.

****

“Rey? Say something,” he demanded after a long pause.

****

Her ire came back, higher than before. She lifted a hand to respond when the connection between them broke off. 

****

“Gah!” she cried in frustration, thinking he broke the connection off on purpose. “You're still afraid! Damn it, Ben.”

****

She stormed off to her room as Ben did the same… after destroying a console in his frustration at Rey’s seeming to break off their conversation.

****

“She'll contact me when she's ready,” he reasoned.

****

He told himself that the next day, the day after that, and the day after that as well. It still hadn't occurred to either that their connection was unreliable, especially when their emotions and control were not in check. Rey assumed Ben was being a coward and refused to contact him until he made the first move and was ready for her answer. He had initiated contact every other time; he could do it now, too.

****

After a week, Rey felt hurt by his silence. The hurt then translated into an increasing aggression around her friends as she tried to deal with the resentment and anger. Likewise, Ben became a volatile leader once more, making all his officers run at the very sight of him. He tried being patient, but that didn't last long. There was only the need to take out his anger on other things in order to prevent himself from leaving and finding her at once to have it out with her. His stubborn pride helped hold him in check, or he liked to think.

****

After almost two weeks of radio silence, the bond between them got up to its old tricks. Ben was in a meeting, trying not to think of Rey and failing, and suddenly he could see her, completely unaware of him. She looked upset, and in some kind of pain, as she savagely tore apart a droid for parts. He got up and ended the meeting before everyone realized that he was no longer interested in what anyone had to say. He was barely out in the hallway, the doors hissing closed before he saw her pause in her scrubbing of a part. 

****

“Why is there a door closing, and why can't I hear my brush anymore?” She looked up just in time to see a guilty Ben. “You.”

****

The connection cut off just then, leaving them both frustrated. Rey threw down her tools while Ben rushed to his room, foregoing all work for the time being until he felt more in control. Less than a week later, Rey was watching Finn and Rose talk excitedly about a scouting mission they did together, and she felt irrationally jealous. She wanted to have that with Ben so badly.

****

As if the Force was determined to grant part of her wish, she felt the connection between her and Ben open once more, he marching somewhere with many guards around him, large crowds cheering. She couldn't figure out what planet or system he was on, but it was clear that he was there for a diplomatic session. 

****

“Don't shoot them down before you hear what you hear what they have to say,” she muttered, and he stopped, his face and eyes looking around as though mystified. 

****

When he saw her, she was shocked to see him smile weakly at her. It was a small, fleeting smile, but one nonetheless. 

****

“I've learned more than you realize,” he said cryptically before starting to walk again. The visual they had on one another faded after that. Rey didn't know what to do, so she focused on everything but him. She was so successful that three days after the incident, she was being urged by everyone to take a day off before she cracked.  Enforced rest, and seclusion, was just fine by her - at least for the rest of that day. 

****

She was woken up the next morning by footsteps. She hopped off the mattress and powered on her lightsaber, yelling, “Just face me already!”

****

“Rey?” asked Finn quietly, peeking his head in to check on her. “Why do you have that out? You don't even need that for anyone but Kylo Ren.”

****

Rey switched off her weapon before collapsing on the bed.

****

“I'm sorry, Finn. I'm just a little stressed right now.”

****

“I know, Peanut, and I don't quite understand why. Would it help to talk about it? Or is this some feminine thing that I need to get Rose in here for?” asked Finn, sitting beside her and patting her arm.

****

“This is…. A guy problem,” she said, deciding for as much of the truth as she could. 

****

“Right,” he said, getting up. “I'll get Rose-”

****

“No, there's no need. Honestly,” she insisted when he gave her a skeptical look. “I know the problem; we aren't communicating well or much at all lately, so I just need to corner him and-”

****

“Please tell me this isn't because of Poe,” interrupted Finn suddenly. “I know he's a ladies’ man.”

****

“Ew, Poe?” she asked with genuine distaste. “Why him?”

****

“Well, he's the main guy you talk to, and we all assumed you'd get together at some point. Clearly we're wrong. Will you tell me who it is?” asked Finn from the doorway.

****

“No. It's complicated,” said Rey. “It's better for you not to know,,,, right now.”

****

“Alright. Just talk to him soon, would you? We're all worried about you.”

****

“Sure. I think I'm going to train today. I need to be tired out before I attempt to see him, or I’ll get violent!” said Rey, making Finn laugh. 

****

“I hope he's a good fighter, too. See you later, Rey.”

****

“He's good, alright,” said Rey to an empty ship. “He's taught me almost everything I know about lightsabers.”

****

She kept herself busy for the rest of the day, avoiding everyone until after she talked to Ben. It wasn't that she was afraid of talking to him; it was the opposite. She wanted to talk, as well as give him a matching scar on his left side. 

****

So she went to practice with her saber. She didn't want to hurt him, really. Yell at him, sure. But mostly she wanted to understand his unwillingness to listen to her lately and tell her anything. He was foremost in her mind as she went through the various forms, up until the moment someone cleared their throat.

****

It shouldn't have been possible for anyone to get in, as she had locked the door, so that left only one possibility: Ben. She lowered her saber and glanced down at her sweat-drenched white workout shirt and gray pants. She took another deep breath and looked up at him; his eyes seemed fastened to her outfit, based on the way he seemed to drink her in. 

****

She cleared her throat, and he jerked his head up to face her. 

****

“Just how strongly were you thinking of me?” he asked in awe.

****

“Why? What do you mean?” she asked, stepping toward him.

****

“I was thinking of you. I missed you; I know we need to talk,” he explained. “Then, you were there in front of me, walking into this gym. I've watched you far more than you realize. The longer you practiced, though, the better I could see everything.”

****

“Ah. Yes,” she said, thinking about something. “We've never trained together before. We should fix that.”

****

“Rey?”

****

“Please,” she insisted. “For me. I'm not ready to answer your question and talk yet.”

****

He understood. His hand came out for hers, and he waited, wanting to know if she would deny him. She didn't. 

****

“Thank you,” he said with relief as they touched once more. “I'm concentrating on us, on this moment, this time. I think that's part of our communication breakdown.”

****

“Whatever it is, let's discuss that  _ after _ .”

****

Both got into position, and from there on it was a blur of red and blue, clashing and dancing around one another in synchronized rhythm. One went left; the other went right. A wide arc by one was met with a solid wall of protection by the other. Ben didn't try to go easy on Rey this time; they both sensed that they needed this, to prove to themselves once more what and who it was they were fighting. 

****

“Why are we wearing ourselves out just to talk?” he asked as his blocked one of Rey's thrusts.

****

“I thought that'd be  _ obvious _ to you,” she said, coming down the middle, only to feint and go for his left side.

****

He twirled gracefully and blocked the hit before replying, “No, it's not. Explain.”

****

“We're not done yet-”

****

“I don't care!” he interrupted, using his anger to overpower her and reverse her momentum, sending her backward.

****

When she caught her breath, she glared at him and came at him with renewed fury. “You said it yourself.” 

****

She went for his feet, swinging low. “I'm a woman of action. Right now, all I want is to pummel you instead of talk to you.”

****

He jumped and tried to get a hit on her shoulder, but she was too fast, barreling out of his way.

****

“Clearly.”

****

“I wanted to wear myself out. I  _ do  _ want to talk to you after all this time; this is getting ridiculous.”

****

She swung wildly, and he neatly avoided her before pushing her back.

****

“You think  _ this  _ is ridiculous? Have you looked at your reasoning?” he quipped.

****

“It's not ridiculous,” she insisted, swiping across her body. 

****

“No, it's childish,” he returned, bringing up his weapon to stop hers. 

****

They stared as he waited for dramatic effect.  “You won't talk to me, childishly ignoring all my attempts to connect….”

****

Suddenly, he dropped his weapon, his eyes lost as he looked inward. When he looked up, Rey dropped her weapon upon seeing the remorse in his eyes.

****

“It's almost as childish as wanting to accomplish a goal by yourself, despite the task being hard and ignoring all attempts to help, all because you care more about your pride and about doing it by yourself,” he said, mad at himself. “Why didn't I see it before?”

****

“Because neither of us is used to communicating with others like this?” she suggested. “Because we're used to being alone?”

****

“Something like that,” he muttered. “Either way, it needs to stop.”

****

“Just like our tendency to cut off in the middle of conversations as we have recently?” 

****

He frowned at the jibe.

****

“That's not totally our fault. Did you ever willingly cut off our connection in the past few months?”

****

“No, but-”

****

“Neither did I,” he said, drawing close to her. “Just like I'm sure you didn't open the connection, either. It was all the Force working at odd moments.”

****

“Also true, but-”

****

“It's just like when this first started happening to us; it was random, sometimes stopping suddenly,” he continued, sharing his idea. “The Force is doing it again since we refuse to open the connection ourselves.”

****

Rey wanted to ask why, but she had a feeling that he had about as much clue as she did. 

****

“Say it, Rey. You want to say something,” he stated, watching her emotions rushing across her face.

****

“I hate not understanding this connection between us. I wish I understood the Force better,” she said.

****

“I did offer to be your teacher-”

****

“Like you know any more than I do,” Rey replied hotly. “It's all a guess, a theory right now, isn't it?”

****

“It is a working theory,” he agreed reluctantly, making Rey smile triumphantly. “But it's something. It got us talking, didn't it? Shall we call this duel a draw?”

****

“Yes, and yes,” she said, leaning over to catch her breath.

****

Both were relieved when it was called a draw.

****

“Now that we've cleared the air a little, shall we finish it?” he asked, taking his turn to bend over and catch his breath.

****

“Yes,” she said, more exhilarated than ever to finally talk through everything with Ben. She waved them over to a corner, where she promptly collapsed against the wall. He sat across from her, his feet barely touching hers.

****

Neither would admit it, but that slight touch was the grounding that they needed. It also ensured that they would not lose one another again, if what Ben suggested was true. They talked for hours, going over every unexpected, hidden moment until they came back to the original conversation. 

****

“What is your plan, Ben?”

****

He scooted a little closer to Rey until he was sitting alongside her. 

****

“I'm decentralizing this government. It's big enough now - just like the Empire had been - that I've put in local leaders all over the galaxy with small armies. It's the only way to maintain order….for now.”

****

“What's the end goal?” she queried. “What will it look like?”

****

“Every system and planet will take care of itself until it is ready for something bigger, like a Republic. I've put in competent leaders for the most part; I'm not worried about them,” he explained, his hands spreading out to signify the whole galaxy. “There's already lots of doubt about my ability to lead-”

****

“Sorry about that,” she said, cringing as she remembered the smear campaigns being put out by the Resistance. 

****

“Don’t be. It makes the leaders more likely to not expect help when the Resistance attacks, and that's precisely what I intend to happen.”

****

He eyed her for a moment until she understood exactly what he was implying. When the light of understanding dawned on her, he added, “I'm waiting for the Resistance to make their next big strike. When they do, I'll disappear. There will be a power grab, and no one will care after the first month because they'll be able to take care of themselves. In time, all will settle into peace agreements, and I won't have to deal with any of it.”

****

“So you're just going to leave? Go into exile?” she asked in shock. 

****

“Essentially. There's only a handful of people I want to see, and only one I love,” he said, rubbing circles on the back of her hand. “I'm getting tired of being without her and being separated by all this distance.”

****

“And the misunderstandings,” added Rey. “What about your mother?” 

****

His pained expression told her everything she needed to know.

****

“If she wants to find and see me, she can. I doubt she will.”

****

“She would be disappointed and want you to own up to all this, but she'd still want to see you. She misses you,” said Rey with feeling, a hand caressing his cheek. “Almost as much as I have lately.”

****

He chuckled. “Good. When is the Resistance planning to attack and give me my freedom?”

****

It was Rey's turn to laugh.

****

“Soon. We need a few more ships and weapons-”

****

“I could help with that,” he offered. 

****

“No thanks. We don't need your help, and it would be very awkward for you of all people to do it. Besides, your mother is working-”

****

“Fine,” he said, wincing and not wanting to hear about his mother. Getting up, he stretched. 

****

Rey yawned, and she got up as well, knowing she was almost ready for bed after all the excitement of the day. “I want to talk more, but-”

****

“I understand. We'll have more opportunities yet as you finish preparations,” he interrupted, heading toward her.

****

She smiled and nodded, satisfied with the ways things were as she turned to leave. 

****

“Well then, good night-”

****

“Rey, wait.”

****

She stopped and turned back around. Suddenly she became aware of how close he had gotten since she had turned, his large footsteps swallowing all space between them.

****

“I want - no, I would like to - but only if you want it,” he stammered as his cheeks and ears turned pink. His large hands moved helplessly until they were surrounding her face, not touching until he knew he had permission. 

****

“Ben?” 

****

She cocked her head, and his hands and face followed her direction. She chuckled when she realized what it was he wanted.

****

“I'd like to kiss you, too,” she said, leaning toward him as he smiled and breathed in relief.

****

“Thank you. I've missed you. I want-”

****

“Shh,” she said, shushing. “I understand. Close your eyes. Relax. We have time.”

****

He dutifully closed his eyes, and she did, too. She closed the distance slowly, savoring the smell of sweat and something distinctly Ben. 

****

Just as she was about to kiss him, though, the smell she recognized disappeared. She bent in quickly, fearing she was about to lose him, but it was too late. Soon, she was falling forward, and she barely had time to catch herself. Cursing the Force under her breath, she got up and left the practice area. Armed with the knowledge that he didn't break their moment intentionally, she was in a far superior mood than when she entered.

****

“Rey! Are you always in such a good mood after working out like that?” asked a pleasantly surprised Finn.

****

“Yes, especially if I'm not interrupted.”

****

“Well, then we'll leave you alone more often like that. You ready to go have that talk?”

****

“Talk?” she asked, giving him an odd look until she remembered. “Oh yeah, that talk. Yes. I'll be back with you and ready for anything tomorrow for sure.”

****

Finn sighed in relief. “Good!”

****

As the two waved their goodbyes, Rey went to the  _ Falcon.  _ The next morning, she was welcomed back with open arms. Everyone was in a better mood because she was, and because of an overnight development.

****

“Leia, why is everyone in such a good mood? It can't be just because of me,” said Rey while visiting with Leia at lunch time.

****

“One of my old contacts - an arms dealer with a wide reach - contacted me out of the blue. I had contacted him previously, but when I heard that he was supplying mostly for the First Order, I assumed that he was ignoring me for better money. It seems I was wrong.”

****

“What did he have to offer?” asked a cautious Rey, noticing Leia's big smile. 

****

“Double the amount of weapons I was hoping for and three ships, including an old destroyer.”

****

“Leia! That's, that's-”

****

“Yes. I know,” said a satisfied Leia. “We're about ready now once we receive all that.”

****

“I can't believe he just did that, right now,” mused Rey aloud, wondering about the timing. 

****

“I agree. It couldn't be more fortuitous. But, it seems he's been hearing rumors about a weakening foe. He doesn't want to take chances if that's the case and the First Order falls.”

****

Leia grinned because someone outside of her close-knit group was confirming what she had felt was happening. 

****

“Did you ever tell others your theory about the Empire and how its size led to its downfall? Such as in the Senate?” asked Rey, needing the confirmation.

****

“No, I didn't. I assumed it was easy to see, but few mention it.”

****

“Interesting. I'm glad someone else finally did mention it, then,” said Rey, sure that Ben had stolen the idea from his mother. “Well, I'm going to head back to work-”

****

“You seem happier, Rey. You've been in a cycle of ups and downs lately,” commented Leia. “Did you ever resolve that issue of emptiness?”

****

“I thought I did, but it wasn't fully resolved. Now, I think it is,” said Rey.

****

“Good. Hold on to that love. It'll push you and take further than you ever thought possible. Trust in it.”

****

“Even if I have the worst taste in men?” asked Rey, looking anxious.

****

“It's rare someone admits to having bad taste in significant others. Really, it's all a matter of perspective since normally everybody thinks they have good taste - and a sense of humor - but they couldn't possibly all have good taste. I believe in you, though,” said Leia with a warm smile. “Trust in yourself if nothing else, even if everyone else tells you you're crazy.”

****

“I'll do that,” said Rey, smiling slightly as she imagined all the Resistance responding to her kissing Ben. Soon, her mind was drifting toward what else that man had done recently.

****

Rey nodded before leaving Leia's presence; her mind was made up.  Yes, he had done it. They had the weapons they needed, and he had somehow arranged it in light of their need. She   
was very much affected by the view of his disposition towards her, which all   
these things made apparent. This little circumstance seemed the completion of   
all that had gone before. She understood him. He could not see her suffer, without the   
desire of giving her relief. He was tired of the war and only desired to be left alone...with her. He wanted her first and foremost. 

****

She still didn't like that he was taking the coward's way out. She wanted him to take responsibility for everything and just work with everyone; she was sure that if he was helping to lead it all that he wouldn't be tried. 

****

But that was another conversation for another day. At that moment, all she wanted was to see Ben. Thankfully, the Force seemed to be feeling bad about interrupting up their kiss, so she had barely left Leia's quarters before the bond opened. She had to dash into a closet, but it was worth it. She could see him reading reports, his officers awaiting direction.

****

“Psst! Ben!”

****

His head jerked up, his eyes big and round as he thought he had hallucinated. 

****

“What?”

****

“Nothing, sir,” said the officers. “Do you have orders for us based on the reports?”

****

“No,” he said, burying himself in reading once more.

****

Rey smiled and waited until he seemed immersed, deciding to make it a game as she moved around him.

****

“Ben!”

****

“Huh?” 

****

He looked up at where she had been previously. At first she smiled, but then she was confused why he couldn't tell where she was. Then, she got a good look at his eyes; there were bloodshot and seemed ready to close any second. He was tired, no doubt from arranging so much for them. She gave up the game and stood behind him, to whisper in his ear.

****

“Ben, you're not dreaming. I'm here, behind you. No, don't move. You're exhausted, and I know why. You shouldn't have taken that risk-”

****

“It was worth it,” he said until he realized that his officers were still nearby. 

****

“What was, sir?”

****

“Reading all of this report instead of skimming,” he said, turning to face them momentarily. 

****

“So, what should we do?”

****

Rey knelt down so she was hidden from view by the desk where he sat. Then, she laid a hand on his leg, and his eyes became wider than she had ever seen them. At least he would be awake now.

****

“I, uh, I need you to-”

****

“If it's not important, get rid of them quickly. You need to sleep, and I want to thank you properly,” said Rey, her voice low and husky.

****

Ben's face became red before he blurted, “Ignore these reports. This activity of the Resistance seems minor compared to what else we've seen. You're dismissed.”

****

The officers got up and left. As they exited the doorway, Ben added, “I don't want to be disturbed for several hours. I need to… meditate.”

****

Rey chuckled as the officers nodded with the utmost seriousness. Once the door closed, Ben was pushing back his seat and yanking Rey up onto his lap.

****

“You're going to be the death of me,” he murmured, no rancor in his voice before he kissed her.

****

“You haven't died yet; I won't let it happen, either,” she promised when they pulled apart. “But you really do need to sleep.”

****

“I have too much to do-”

****

“Let me give you a massage, then,” said Rey, sliding out of his grip. “It'll help.”

****

“Fine. My back does need it after the odd position - oh. That's good.”

****

Rey smiled as Ben made unholy noises and moaned from the massage. 

****

“It seems you haven't had one in a while,” commented Rey as Ben leaned his head on the desk.

****

“If you don't trust anyone, then you wouldn't give them access to your back,” he quipped. “Less talking, more hands.”

****

“So demanding,” she laughed as he huffed and went back to enjoying the massage. In that moment, Rey was so glad that Rose and Finn had taught her how to give a massage.

****

Ben didn't last much longer before he fell asleep. As soon as he did, their connection was lost, and she didn't care one bit. 

****

The next day, Rey went fishing in the river nearby with Poe, Kaydel, Rose and Finn so that they could have real food that night. Poe was tired of the same old rations, and he had convinced everyone to join him.

****

Rey was trying to spear a fish when suddenly she couldn't hear the water splash as the spear entered the water. She looked around as she hit a rock, and when she didn't see Ben, she tried again to get a fish. That time, she was successful. 

****

Just as the pointed end stabbed the fish, a low voice whispered in her ear, “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for   
ever. I don't want to be eaten.”

****

“Ben!” she cried, standing up tall and dropping her spear as she looked around. Yet again, he wasn't in sight, and now the guys were looking at her as though she were crazy. 

****

“What did you say, Rey? You okay?” asked Rose. “Did you see something in the water?”

****

“Oh, nothing. Just that I need to bend more. Everything's fine,” she said as she walked downriver, further from the group. She could hear Ben chuckling, and she wanted to tackle him into the water.

****

“Don't even think about it,” warned Ben.

****

“Are you in my head?” whispered Rey, looking around and still not finding him.

****

“No, but I see the way you're eyeing the water. I am  _ not  _ touching that water. It's probably freezing,” he said, finally showing in front of her.

****

“How'd you do that?” she asked, stepping toward him.

****

“Experimenting,” he said with a shrug. “I'm not coming in that water.”

****

“I wish you could be here, though,” said a wistful Rey as she looked at her friends having fun. “I want you here beside me, enjoying all this.”

****

Ben opened and closed his mouth. When he finally spoke he stared instead of asking, “You don't want to live in exile.”

****

“No, I don't,” she agreed, her eyes locking on his. “I finally have a life; I love it, even if it changes slightly to adjust for peace. I want you to be a part of it, Ben.”

****

He nodded before his eyes lost their focus. When he came back to her, he took two hiking steps toward her until he was directly behind her.

****

“Don't move,” he said, leaning in and kissing her inner ear. “Thank you for the massage. I never slept so well, nor had so many confused officers rush toward me at once.”

****

Rey laughed as he continued to drop two more kisses, one on her neck and another on her other ear. His voice became more serious. 

****

“We should meet in person again. Soon. I don't want to take any chances with misunderstandings or being cut off when we talk.”

****

“When?”

****

“Three days from now,” he replied, stepping away and looking like the weight of the world was in his shoulders. “On Chandrila. It's time for you to see where I grew up.”

****

“I'd love that.”

****

With that, he was gone. Rey speared two more fish before joining the group and showing them that she had found a better fishing spot. When she got back to base, she got to work on arranging for a couple days off, not sure how long she would need with Ben. When she had everything in order, she went to Leia.

****

“Rey, you seem anxious about something. Sit.”

****

“I need to go away for a couple days. To Chandrila,” she said, not bothering with niceties. “It's related to him-”

****

“Oh,” hummed Leia, her eyes light with understanding at last and her voice warm. “Then go with my blessing. Don't let supposed bad taste or a label stop you from finding what brings light and love into your life. Your love may just be what he needs, as well.”

****

“I believe you're right,” said Rey, hugging Leia tightly. “Thank you.”

****

“May the Force be with you. Give him my love as well,” said Leia, her voice choked. 

****

“I will.”

****

Soon, Rey was in the  _ Falcon _ and on her way to Chandrila. After a boring trip, she exited the freighter while still nighttime and felt Ben's presence in the Force. She followed the pull to him until she found his own ship next to a hill covered in tall weeds. The sun was just starting to come up, and she could see a path with trampled weeds winding up the hill. Rey ran up the path at once, curious to see where he was going.

****

She marveled at how he seemed to find all the rocks on his meandering path. It occurred to her that since this was his home, then maybe he used to traverse the path frequently. She made slow progress in the low light and didn't get very far up the hill before Ben stepped out from behind a nearby tree. Her breath caught in her throat as she slowed to a stop. 

****

To her immense shock, for once he was wearing a color other than black. She looked on in awe as the gentle morning breeze played with Ben's black hair and cape, both fluttering toward her. His face was impassive, devoid of expression even as she felt his tumult of feelings and emotions through the Force. He was still wearing his signature black, high-waisted pants, but his shirt had been exchanged for a loose, open, white shirt that showed off a little of his chest. He took steady steps, sure of his direction toward her, even as his body language indicated that he was preparing to face a firing squad. He stopped when there was barely any distance left between them.

****

“I couldn't sleep.”

****

“Nor I,” he said, the barest hint of excitement in his voice. “I couldn't wait to come back here and see if anything had changed.”

****

“Has it?” asked Rey, curious about what he wanted to see.

****

“No, thankfully. I'd like to show it to you if you'll let me,” he said, taking her hands.

****

“I'd love that.”

****

The climb up became easier as daylight grew. Rey was amazed at how he never once looked down, his gaze always fixed on her. She was just happy to be with him once more in person, even if she was unnaturally curious why they were meeting once more. 

****

“Ben, why are we here?” she asked when he stepped in front of her.

****

“Because I've come to another decision. It'll make more sense with context. To show it to you, though, I want it to be a surprise.”

****

Rey scrunched up her face in confusion.

****

“What do you mean?”

****

“I want to show you something here that I've always loved. I want to surprise you with it because I doubt you've seen one before. Do you trust me?”

****

“Yes,” she said immediately. When she saw that he wanted to do something for her and want going to give it up, she added, “What should I do to make it a surprise?”

****

“Close your eyes. I'm putting a blindfold around your eyes to ensure that you don't peek,” he said, pulling out a black handkerchief. “I'll lead you to it.”

****

“Ok. But if I trip and fall, then I get to lead you on the way back,” she threatened.

****

“Done,” he said, his right arm sliding around her waist after she was blindfolded. “This way.”

****

He safely led her over the crest of the hill. As they walked down, he directed her where to walk and told her about how he used to visit this area a great deal growing up.  As they walked, she heard more sounds around her, small animals running through grass at first, and then birds cawing high in the sky. Then, she heard something rushing water, as though a river was moving extremely fast. Then, he stopped moving.

****

“We've stopped. Why have we have stopped?”

****

“You'll see,” he said in a fond voice. “Your hand.”

****

She put out both hands, and his left took her left one, his right arm still around her midsection. They walked a little further until both of his arms pulled her against him. 

****

He leaned in as he removed the blindfold. “I thought you'd like to see a waterfall.”

****

She gasped when she beheld the sight, a two hundred foot tall waterfall cascading into a lake. The sun was perfectly angled so that the light reflected off of the water, creating a rainbow in the mist. Rey covered her mouth with her right hand as she walked forward and stared in awe. Then, she giggled before turning back to face him. She ran into his open arms, his satisfied look and smile consumed by her kisses. 

****

When they pulled apart, she breathed, “It's beautiful.”

****

“Yes, you are,” he said, admiring the glow in her cheeks and eyes. 

****

“Ben,” she said, playfully poking his chest. “I'm talking about the waterfall. Thank you for this. I didn't know there was this much water in the entire galaxy. Why are you showing me this?”

****

“I came here tonight - today now - because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible,” he said quickly. “I know what I want, and what I have to do to achieve it.”

****

“I don't understand.”

****

He indicated for her to sit. She did, and he sat beside her, looking comfortable for once as he reclined back.

****

“Growing up, I came here to escape the world around me, the world of pain and politics. It was always peaceful here, and I wanted the rest of the world to be just like this.”

****

Rey looked at him, trying to see where the conversation was going. He shook his head and took her chin in his right hand, forcing her to focus on him.

****

“I've wanted that peace for so long, Rey. It's finally within my grasp. However, I've been selfish; I just want to go off on my own and not deal with all this. That, however, is not the right thing to do,” he said, pulling at his white shirt of surrender. “So that's why I'm here. To bring true, lasting peace: for the galaxy, myself, and you. I'm not going to go into exile. Whenever you decide to make your stand, I'll come out there and lay my weapon down. There's a high likelihood I'll be tried and could even be killed, but-”

****

“If you make the first move and do it without bloodshed, they won't have a choice,” she replied, taking his hands in hers. “It's the right thing, and I'm proud of you.”

****

“If you're lucky, we might be able to go fishing with your friends in ten years, after they've gotten used to me,” he said wryly.

****

“They'll love you, just like I do,” she said, beaming at him.   
  
“I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you  almost broke it, two years ago,” he rushed on. “Are you sure that this is what you want?”

****

“Yes. The only life that matters is one that has you in it, free and beside me. We can do this, together.”

****

“Yes, we can,” he said, kissing her once more. Just as things started to get hot and heavy, he pulled away, gasping for air. He took off his cape and stood up, a sparkle of mischief in his eyes as he looked at her hungry ones. “Shall we take a dip in the lake before we discuss the terms of surrender?”

****

Rey grinned up at him. “I thought you'd never ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
